Scratch Paper

I always chuckle to myself when I hear a first time mom-to-be talk about her "Birth Plan". I had a "Birth Plan" too and I feel fairly certain that my Obstetrician flipped it over and used it for scratch paper to jot down how far apart my contractions were. At least it got used for something.

My first pregnancy was perfectly planned. Meaning: I meant to get pregnant. I'd prayed for it, timed it, wanted it. When I took the pregnancy test, and saw the faint little "+" I was elated and in shock that it happened so fast. I was so in shock, I immediately peed on Stick #2 in the double pack to make sure it was positive. Still - in a moment I can only describe as insanity - I drove to Walgreens at 10 pm and bought another double pack. It was all I could do not to pull over on the side of the road and pee on those sticks right then and there, but I controlled myself and waited until I got home.

+ + + +

I was pregnant! I decided it would be prudent to wait a while to tell others.

So, I waited. Until the next morning. When I promptly called my entire Rolodex and told everyone the news.

I was born to breed! This was my calling! Hooray!

And that is when IT happened. "It" was the exact moment I stopped having any control of what happened next - although I didn't know it at the time.

I really had a great pregnancy. My main complaint was nausea & heartburn - standard fare. I craved oranges and ate them by the bag. (Later my son would be born with a wicked case of jaundice. Coincidence?)

I read EVERY book ever written. I attended all the classes. I GAVE UP COFFEE.

I recall sitting in the hospital basement's Lamaze classroom with all the other swollen mothers and nervous looking dads. The teacher told us that 1 in 5 of us would have a c-section. I was SO arrogant I recall looking around at the other moms and thinking "Awww, that's too bad they are going to have a c-section".

Turns out, sometimes when your water breaks, it isn't an adorable splash on the floor. Sometimes it's a slooooooow leak and you assume you are just repeatedly peeing your pants every 3 to 5 minutes. Also, guess what? You don't always have your baby on your due date. I know, rude right? The nerve. I went into labor 5 weeks early at my office. I didn't actually have my bag packed yet and had to walk my husband through it from my cell phone while being felt up by Dr. Cold Hands. Here is a rough transcript of how the call went "Honey, I need you to pack me a few things. OK, open my underwear drawer. See all the underwear you like? Yeah, don't pack those. If you like it, leave it. Go towards the back, the giant underwear that look like I bought them at Burlington Tent and Awning... yes, perfect..."

Thirty six hours later.... that's not a typo .... it was decided I would have a cesarean. I was a little scared, but not for me, for my baby that I loved so much, yet had never laid eyes on.

What happened next is sort of a horror story for another day... Let's just summarize it by saying my spinal block failed and probably the worst thing that can happen to an anesthesiologist happened and that is that I could feel the surgery. Because my baby was tiny and in distress, and still shared my blood supply, they could not risk putting me under general anesthesia because my baby would have been born asleep too. So, I felt it and it was horrific. The minute Baby John was born, he was placed next to my cheek for 2 seconds and that is the last thing I remember for several hours.

My next memory is waking up, flat on my back and in my room. I could see the faces of my worried parents and stoic husband. And when I looked down, my son was breast feeding. The nurse, knowing how much I wanted to breast feed as soon as possible, had latched him on while I was in recovery. It was the single most surreal moment of my life. I will always be grateful to that nurse for her kindness.

And so it began... a life of unexpected, unplanned events.

You will be in the hospital approximately 4 days following birth.
Or, 9.

Your child will get his first tooth at approx 5 months.
Or, he'll be born with one.

Breastfeeding with be a bonding moment between you and your baby.
Or, it will hurt like a son of a bitch.

You and your spouse can take turns getting up with baby for nighttime feedings.
Sheyah, right.

Your baby will start saying "mama" and "dada" by 12 months.
Or you may not hear it until they are almost 3.

You are not as likely to get pregnant while breastfeeding.
Hello, Molly.

For someone like me - a type A, control freak - this was all a bit humbling. Rolling with the punches was never my strong suit. I have learned that the best way to approach my life is to simply stand still and hold my arms out.

And just wait - for whatever gets thrown my way.

I'm ready.